To “Blame” is to “Accuse”. Sometimes we blame others as a defense mechanism (shifting responsibility away from ourselves). Sometimes we blame others because we are embarrassed. And sometimes we blame other because we want to shame that other person. But regardless of the logic, the blame is designed to hurt the other person credibility, image or reputation.

 Being blamed or accused immediately puts the target person on the defensive. Everyone’s focus is now on deciding whether to believe the victim’s response. While it is true that the target person will be humiliated by the blame, the reputation of the accuser will go downhill too.

 Blaming (or accusing) is a negative habit which will be destructive to both parties. I can’t think of a single good reason to use blame to belittle someone.

 Most people will use Blaming to attack another person. They blame that person so that they will feel better about themselves.

 It might be useful to begin to identify when you find yourself ready to blame. Now ask yourself: “How valuable to me is the relationship with this person?” Keep in mind that “Blaming them” (no matter how nicely you put it) will hurt your relationship with them.

My suggestion would be to read the “Seven Caring Habits”. These will help you make things better between the two of you.

Douglas Jones


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